Happiness

We can have hopes and dreams, but not expectations.

Say what? I can’t expect my horse not to run me over and stomp on my feet? No, I’m referring to the expectations that result in the “good vs. bad horse” mentality; the ones that expect perfection and therefore always cause disappointment. When we place expectations on our horses, we are putting an onus on them that they have not asked for. They don’t know what we are striving for or hoping to achieve, and so when that expectation isn’t met, they’re faced with a frustrated, disappointed or even angry human. Those emotions are our own responsibility to face. Why are we feeling these things? Is it because of something my horse did, or because I expected him to react differently? Expectations cause us to not be in the present, accepting the horse for who they are at that exact second. Each time we are taken out of the moment, we lose connection and feel to them. Animals always live in present, unlike humans who are constantly worrying about past failures and future anxieties. What will so and so think of my horse? What if he doesn’t achieve what I want him to? I hope they don’t embarrass me today. These are valid thoughts, but as horsemen and women, we have to set them aside, take a deep breath and allow our horse to be a horse. They can make mistakes (we constantly do!); they may not like the job we bought them for, they may act like a fool in public – whatever it may be, it is our job to learn the tools to help them cope with life. To cope with change, and growth. We have to cultivate our own learning in order to help our horses become the stars that we think they can be! If we stay in a rut ourselves then we can’t push them out of their comfort zone and pursue those hopes and dreams. Expectations are the demands of a future that we have not yet lived resulting in desires that are un-met. Goal setting, accepting the horse in the moment, feeling for them and allowing kindness and grace to develop our sessions are the best ways to achieve those hopes and dreams without expectations lurking overhead and wrecking your relationship. Next time you feel yourself getting frustrated with your horse, ask yourself the pertinent questions – is he just acting like a horse and I expected a different reaction? Did I allow some desire for a future goal cloud my ability to see the horse as he came in today? Am I frustrated because of my own inability to communicate what I want? Answer those with gentleness for yourself, accept the answer for what it is (good or bad) and move forward with a feeling of presence and engagement. Your horse will thank you for it and notice the clarity with which you approach the situation again.

Until next time.